The Gottman Method is a structured approach to couples therapy developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. It starts with a thorough assessment of your relationship, then uses research based tools to calm conflict, rebuild friendship, and deepen trust. Couples therapy is not recommended while abuse is ongoing, so safety comes first.
Key takeaways
If there is abuse, intimidation, or fear in your relationship, couples therapy is not the right place to start. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.7233. If you are thinking about suicide, call or text 988. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
The Gottman Method is a named approach to couples therapy from The Gottman Institute, founded on the work of psychologists Drs. John and Julie Gottman. In the Institute's words, the Gottman Method "is an approach to couples therapy that includes a thorough check up of the couple's relationship, and integrates research-based interventions based on the Sound Relationship House Theory."
The Institute lists four goals for the therapy: to disarm conflicting verbal communication; to increase intimacy, respect, and affection; to remove barriers that create a feeling of stagnancy; and to create a heightened sense of empathy and understanding in the relationship.
The Sound Relationship House is the Gottmans' model of what healthy relationships are built on. It has nine components:
Therapy usually works on the weakest floors of the house first. A couple with plenty of friendship but painful fights may focus on conflict, while a couple who rarely fights but feels distant may focus on love maps and turning towards each other.
The Four Horsemen are communication styles that, according to Gottman research, can predict the end of a relationship. The Institute calls contempt "the single greatest predictor of divorce." The good news is that each one has a practical antidote.
| Horseman | What it looks like | Antidote |
|---|---|---|
| Criticism | An attack on your partner's character, not a complaint about a behavior | Complain without blame, using a gentle start up |
| Contempt | Disrespect, sarcasm, mocking, or name calling | Build a culture of appreciation and respect |
| Defensiveness | Making excuses or playing the innocent victim | Accept responsibility, even for part of the conflict |
| Stonewalling | Shutting down and withdrawing from the conversation | Take a break and practice physiological self soothing |
For a closer look at each pattern, read our guide to the four markers of relationship failure or success.
Per The Gottman Institute, therapy begins with an assessment. "A conjoint session, followed by individual interviews with each partner are conducted." Couples then complete questionnaires and receive detailed feedback on their relationship. That feedback shapes the plan for the sessions that follow.
From there, the work is practical. Couples practice softer ways to raise a complaint, learn to repair a conversation before it escalates, and build small daily habits of connection. Two Gottman findings often frame the work:
If you want a place to start at home, our guide on how to talk about relationship problems covers the basics.
The Gottman Institute describes the method as backed by five decades of research. Most of that research studied how couples interact and which patterns predict trouble. Research on the therapy itself is newer and smaller:
The honest summary: the findings are encouraging, the samples are small, and no single approach fits every couple. The fit between both partners and the counselor matters too.
Both are research informed approaches to couples therapy, and they often share the same goal: fewer painful fights and a closer bond.
Many couples benefit from elements of both: understanding the emotional cycle underneath a fight, and practicing new ways to talk when it starts.
Couples therapy is not recommended while abuse is ongoing. The National Domestic Violence Hotline says, "We at The Hotline do not encourage anyone in an abusive relationship to seek counseling with their partner," because "Abuse is not a relationship problem." The Hotline also warns that an abuser may use what is said in therapy against their partner.
If there is abuse, intimidation, or fear in your relationship, call the Hotline at 1.800.799.7233 for confidential support. If you are thinking about suicide, call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, any time. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. Individual counseling can be a safer place to start.
We want to be plain about this. No Foundations counselor currently lists Gottman Method training or certification in their published profile, so we do not offer Gottman Method Couples Therapy by name.
What we do offer is couples counseling informed by research based approaches. Our counselors use approaches such as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and CBT informed communication skills, and draw on findings from The Gottman Institute, such as the Four Horsemen. If an affair is why you are reaching out, see affair recovery therapy. Sessions are in person in Fort Collins, Loveland, and Windsor, or online anywhere in Colorado. If one partner is not ready to come in, individual counseling is a good place to start.
If Gottman Method training matters to you, ask any therapist you consider about their specific training. And if your first counselor is not the right fit, our Counselor Match Guarantee means we will find another counselor who is. For couples whose connection changed after children, see how to reconnect with your partner after having kids.
The Gottman Method is an approach to couples therapy developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman of The Gottman Institute. It starts with a thorough assessment of the relationship, then uses research based interventions built on the Sound Relationship House, nine components of healthy relationships, to calm conflict and deepen friendship, intimacy, and trust.
According to The Gottman Institute, therapy begins with an assessment: a joint session with both partners, then an individual interview with each partner. Couples also complete questionnaires and receive detailed feedback on their relationship. That feedback shapes the goals and the interventions used in later sessions.
It rests on decades of Gottman research into how couples interact, and small clinical trials have reported benefits, including a 2018 study on marital adjustment and intimacy and a 2023 pilot trial with couples recovering from infidelity. Those studies are small, and the Gottmans are among the authors of the 2023 trial, so more independent research would help.
Both are research informed approaches to couples therapy. The Gottman Method builds on research about friendship, conflict, and shared meaning, and teaches concrete skills such as the antidotes to the Four Horsemen. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) looks underneath the argument to the attachment needs driving it, such as feeling unimportant or shut out.
No Foundations counselor currently lists Gottman Method training or certification in their published profile, so we do not offer Gottman Method Couples Therapy by name. Our couples counseling is informed by research based approaches such as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and CBT informed communication skills, and draws on Gottman Institute research.
Couples therapy is not recommended while abuse is ongoing. The National Domestic Violence Hotline does not encourage anyone in an abusive relationship to seek counseling with their partner. Call 1.800.799.7233 for confidential support, call or text 988 if you are thinking about suicide, and call 911 if you are in immediate danger.
Clinically reviewed by Chris Berger, M.A., LPC, NCC. Updated October 2026.
More for couples: browse our Relationships and Couples guides.
We will match you with a counselor who fits, and your first meeting is a free consultation. Schedule your free consultation or call 970.227.2770.
If there is abuse in your relationship, call 1.800.799.7233. If you are in crisis, call or text 988 any time. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 911.