If you feel afraid of your partner or are in immediate danger, call 911. For free, confidential support and help with safety planning, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.7233 or text START to 88788, any time. If you are having thoughts of suicide, call or text 988.
Signs your partner may have strong narcissistic traits include a constant need for admiration, anger out of proportion to small criticism, little empathy for your feelings, troubled relationships, gaslighting, and putting you down. Only a qualified clinician can diagnose narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). You do not need a diagnosis to protect yourself: if you feel afraid, safety comes first.
Key takeaways
- Everyone acts selfishly at times. Narcissistic personality disorder is a clinical diagnosis that a healthcare provider, usually a psychiatrist or psychologist, makes after an evaluation.
- Mayo Clinic describes NPD as an unreasonably high sense of self importance, a need for too much attention and admiration, and difficulty understanding or caring about the feelings of others.
- Put downs, isolation, threats, and gaslighting are warning signs of emotional abuse whether or not anyone has a diagnosis.
- Couples therapy is not the right starting point when there is abuse, intimidation, or fear. Individual support and a safety plan are.
- Make a safety plan with the National Domestic Violence Hotline before confronting your partner or deciding to leave.
What Is the Difference Between Narcissistic Traits and NPD?
People use the word narcissist loosely for anyone who seems vain or self absorbed. Clinical narcissism is narrower. According to Mayo Clinic, narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance, need and seek too much attention, and may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others. Cleveland Clinic adds that NPD is more than arrogance or selfishness: it affects how a person views themselves and relates to others, and a diagnosis requires at least five of nine clinical criteria.
Many people show some narcissistic traits, especially under stress, without having a personality disorder. NPD is a diagnosis a qualified clinician makes: Cleveland Clinic notes that a healthcare provider, usually a psychiatrist or psychologist, diagnoses it, and that an online test is not a formal diagnosis. Mayo Clinic adds that some features of NPD are like those of other personality disorders. No quiz or article, including this one, can diagnose your partner.
Cleveland Clinic estimates that between 0.5 and 5 percent of people in the U.S. may have NPD. So the more useful question is usually not "Is my partner a narcissist?" but "How is this relationship affecting me, and am I safe?"
What Are 6 Signs Your Partner May Have Narcissistic Traits?
The signs below describe patterns, not one bad day. Look for behavior that repeats over months and across situations.
1. They need constant attention and admiration
Mayo Clinic lists requiring constant, excessive admiration and expecting to be recognized as superior among the symptoms of NPD. In a relationship, this can look like a partner who loses interest in any conversation where they are not the focus, or who interrupts to steer every topic back to themselves. Notice whether your news, needs, and ideas get room too.
2. Their reactions do not match the situation
A mild piece of feedback or a different opinion sets off anger far out of proportion. Mayo Clinic describes people with NPD as having trouble handling anything they view as criticism, and sometimes reacting with rage or contempt. Behind the confident surface, Mayo notes, they are often not sure of their self worth and are easily upset by the slightest criticism. That fragility can explain why a small disagreement becomes a screaming fight. It does not make the anger acceptable.
3. They show little empathy for your feelings
Mayo Clinic lists an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others. Ask yourself how your partner responds when you are sad, sick, or hurting. Do they show genuine interest in what you feel, or does the conversation quickly turn to how your feelings affect them?
4. Their close relationships tend to be troubled
Mayo Clinic notes that people with NPD may find their relationships troubled and unfulfilling. Listen to how your partner talks about friends, coworkers, and former partners when they are not around. A long trail of people who all turned out to be the problem, paired with frequent put downs of others, is worth noticing.
5. They make you doubt your own memory
Gaslighting leaves you questioning your own memory and reactions. The National Domestic Violence Hotline lists gaslighting among the signs of emotional abuse: pretending not to understand you, questioning your memory, minimizing your needs or feelings, and denying past statements or promises. Our guide on how to spot gaslighting in your relationships walks through the signs in more depth.
6. They put you down
Mayo Clinic notes that people with NPD may be critical of and look down on people they feel are not important, and may try to belittle others to make themselves appear superior. In a partnership this can sound like teasing that always stings, criticism in front of friends, or boredom when you share good news. Pay attention to how your partner reacts to your successes. A supportive partner celebrates them.
When Do Narcissistic Behaviors Become Emotional Abuse?
A diagnosis is not what makes behavior harmful. Many of the signs above overlap with what the National Domestic Violence Hotline calls emotional and verbal abuse. According to the Hotline, you may be in an emotionally or verbally abusive relationship if your partner attempts to exert control by:
- Calling you names, insulting you, or constantly criticizing you
- Isolating you from family, friends, or other people in your life
- Monitoring your activities or controlling where you go and who you contact
- Humiliating you, especially in front of others
- Gaslighting you, or denying past statements or promises
- Threatening you, your children, your family, or your pets
- Blaming you for their abusive behaviors
If several of these feel familiar, the label matters less than your safety. You deserve support whether or not your partner would ever meet criteria for NPD. Our abuse therapy gives you a confidential space to name what has happened, recognize harmful patterns, and make decisions at your own pace.
What Should You Do If You Think Your Partner Is a Narcissist?
Start with your own safety and support, not with trying to diagnose or fix your partner.
- Check in on your safety. If you feel afraid of your partner, or things escalate when you disagree, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.7233, text START to 88788, or chat online. It is free, confidential, and available 24/7.
- Make a safety plan before any big step. The Hotline defines a safety plan as a personalized, practical plan to improve your safety while experiencing abuse, preparing to leave, or after you leave, and its advocates can help you build one. Do not confront your partner about a diagnosis or announce that you are leaving until you have a plan.
- Stay connected to people you trust. Isolation is a warning sign the Hotline names, and trusted friends or family can help you keep your reality in check.
- Write things down. A private record of what happened and when can help you trust your memory. Keep it somewhere your partner cannot access.
- Talk with a counselor on your own. Individual therapy gives you a confidential place to sort out what is happening and weigh your options without pressure.
If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
Should You Try Couples Therapy With a Narcissistic Partner?
Couples therapy is not the right starting point when there is abuse, intimidation, or fear. The National Domestic Violence Hotline does not encourage anyone in an abusive relationship to seek counseling with their partner. The Hotline explains that abuse is not a relationship problem, that counseling cannot fix the unequal power structure of an abusive relationship, and that an abuser may later use what is said in therapy against their partner.
When the problem is ordinary conflict, where both partners feel safe, take responsibility, and want to change, couples counseling or marriage counseling can help. If you are not sure which situation you are in, start with an individual session.
Can Someone With Narcissistic Personality Disorder Change?
Mayo Clinic says treatment for NPD is centered around psychotherapy, and notes that no medication is specifically approved for the disorder; any medication question belongs with a physician. Cleveland Clinic notes that people with severe NPD are less likely to ask for help or seek treatment. Change depends on the person choosing that work. You cannot do it for your partner, and waiting for them to change is not a safety plan.
Where Can You Find Support in Northern Colorado?
Foundations Counseling offers individual counseling and abuse therapy in person in Fort Collins, Loveland, and Windsor, plus online sessions. If you meet online, choose a private space and a device your partner cannot check. We are a private pay practice, and sessions are about 200 dollars. Our Counselor Match Guarantee means you can keep looking until the fit feels right.
Watch: six signs of narcissistic traits
Prefer to watch? This short video walks through the six signs, the difference between traits and a diagnosis, and how to put your safety first.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I tell from an article whether my partner has narcissistic personality disorder?
No. Narcissistic personality disorder is a clinical diagnosis. Cleveland Clinic notes that a healthcare provider, usually a psychiatrist or psychologist, makes it, and an online test is not a formal diagnosis. What you can judge is how the relationship affects you: whether you feel respected, safe, and free to be yourself.
What is the difference between narcissistic traits and NPD?
Most people act selfishly or need reassurance sometimes. NPD is a lasting pattern that, per Mayo Clinic, includes an unreasonably high sense of self importance, a need for excessive admiration, and difficulty caring about the feelings of others. It causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, and school.
Should we go to couples therapy if my partner is a narcissist?
Not if there is abuse, intimidation, or fear. The National Domestic Violence Hotline does not encourage couples counseling with an abusive partner, because counseling cannot fix the unequal power structure and what you share may be used against you. Start with individual therapy and, if you feel unsafe, a safety plan.
Should I confront my partner or leave?
Make a safety plan before any big step. The Hotline defines a safety plan as a personalized, practical plan to improve your safety while experiencing abuse, preparing to leave, or after you leave. Advocates can help you build one at 1.800.799.7233 or by texting START to 88788, any time. In immediate danger, call 911.
Can a person with narcissistic personality disorder change?
Change is possible when the person chooses treatment. Mayo Clinic says NPD treatment is centered around psychotherapy, though Cleveland Clinic notes that people with severe NPD are less likely to seek help. You cannot do that work for your partner, but you can get support for yourself, whatever they decide.
Where can I get support in Northern Colorado?
Foundations Counseling offers individual counseling and abuse therapy in person in Fort Collins, Loveland, and Windsor, plus online sessions. We will match you with a counselor who fits, and your first meeting is a free consultation. Sessions are private pay at about 200 dollars. If you are in danger, call 911 first.
Clinically reviewed by Chris Berger, M.A., LPC, NCC. Updated October 2026.
You do not have to figure this out alone. Our caring therapists help people across Northern Colorado make sense of confusing relationships, recover from emotional abuse, and trust themselves again. We will match you with a counselor who fits, and your first meeting is a free consultation. Most new clients are seen within about 48 hours. Schedule your free consultation or call 970.227.2770.
If you feel unsafe, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.7233 or text START to 88788. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. If you are having thoughts of suicide, call or text 988 any time, day or night.
