If your college age child moved home and seems depressed, start by telling them what you have noticed, listening without rushing to fix it, and offering practical help to see a counselor they choose. At 18 or older they make their own care decisions, so your role is support, not control. If they talk about suicide, call or text 988.
Key takeaways
- Moving home in early adulthood is common. The U.S. Census Bureau reports that in 2022, 57 percent of men and 55 percent of women ages 18 to 24 lived in a parental home.
- Depression is more than a rough patch. NIMH says a diagnosis means symptoms most of the day, nearly every day, for at least 2 weeks.
- In NIMH figures from 2021, adults ages 18 to 25 had the highest rate of a major depressive episode of any adult age group: 18.6 percent.
- Your adult child chooses their own care, and what they share with a counselor stays private unless they choose to include you.
- Asking directly about suicide does not plant the idea. If you are worried, ask, listen, and call or text 988 together.
If your child talks about wanting to die, or you are worried they might hurt themselves, call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 911.
Is it depression, or a hard transition?
Coming home can follow a finished degree, a semester that did not go well, a breakup, money pressure, or simply a pause to regroup. It is common: the U.S. Census Bureau reports that in 2022, 57 percent of men and 55 percent of women ages 18 to 24 lived in a parental home. (That survey counts young adults living in college dorms as living in their parents' home.)
Some adjustment is normal. Many young adults feel unsure, a little lost, or embarrassed to be back in their old bedroom, and that usually eases as a new routine forms. Depression is different. The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) says, "To be diagnosed with depression, a person must have symptoms most of the day, nearly every day, for at least 2 weeks." Signs NIMH lists include:
- A persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood, or feelings of hopelessness
- Irritability, frustration, or restlessness
- Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities
- Fatigue, or difficulty sleeping, waking too early, or oversleeping
- Changes in appetite, or difficulty concentrating and making decisions
- Thoughts of death or suicide
In a young adult living at home, this can look like sleeping into the afternoon, dropping old friends, avoiding job applications or classes, or spending most of the day alone in their room. Only a licensed professional can diagnose depression, but you do not need a diagnosis to start a caring conversation.
How common is depression at this age?
More common than many parents expect. In NIMH's major depression statistics, drawn from the 2021 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, the share of adults with a major depressive episode was highest among people ages 18 to 25, at 18.6 percent. That is nearly 1 in 5 young adults in a single year.
Knowing this will not fix anything, but it can take some of the shame out of the room for both of you. Your child is not failing at adulthood, and you have not failed as a parent. NIMH also notes that "Most people with depression benefit from mental health treatment."
How do I start the conversation?
- Pick a calm, private moment. A drive or a walk often feels easier than a formal sit down.
- Name what you have seen, not what you think it means. "You have been sleeping a lot and skipping things you used to love. I am worried about you."
- Listen more than you talk. As NIMH puts it, "Listening without judgment is key to learning what the person is thinking and feeling."
- Ask directly about suicide if you are worried. "Are you thinking about suicide?" NIMH notes that "Studies show that asking people if they are suicidal does not increase suicidal behavior or thoughts."
- Offer help, then let them choose. Ask what would help, and offer to look for a counselor together.
Source: NIMH, 5 Action Steps to Help Someone Having Thoughts of Suicide. For more on simply being present, see our guide on how to hold space when someone you care about is struggling.
What can parents do day to day?
NIMH's guidance for helping a loved one who is depressed starts with helping them see a health care provider or mental health professional. It then lists ways to support them, including "Offer support, understanding, patience, and encouragement" and "Make sure they have transportation or access to therapy appointments." In practice, that can look like this:
- Keep inviting. NIMH suggests inviting them out for walks, outings, and other activities. A no today is not a no forever.
- Keep expectations small and clear. One shared meal, one household task, one step toward work or school. Small, doable steps beat a long list.
- Treat them as the adult they are. Agree on house expectations together, the way you would with any adult who shares your home, rather than returning to high school rules.
- Remove practical barriers. Offer rides, help finding appointment times, or a quiet room for an online session.
- Offer hope without pressure. NIMH encourages reminding them "that, with time and treatment, their depression can lift."
For low energy days, our guide to gentle routines when you are too depressed to get out of bed has ideas your child may find useful.
Can I make my adult child go to therapy?
Usually not, and pushing hard tends to backfire. Once your child is an adult, they decide about their own care. HHS guidance for parents, What Parents Need to Know about HIPAA, explains that once a child reaches the age of majority, they "are considered adults and capable of exercising all of the health privacy rights under HIPAA." In general, a provider needs your adult child's permission before sharing information with you.
What you can do: tell them you will support whatever help they choose, share the booking link, sit nearby while they make the call if they want company, and help with logistics. If they want you involved, they can invite you to a session or give written permission for their counselor to talk with you. For more on how privacy works, see Is therapy confidential?
Safety is the exception. The same HHS guidance says that when there is a serious and imminent threat to your child's health or safety, providers may share information with a parent who is in a position to prevent or lessen the threat.
What if I am worried about suicide?
Take it seriously and act right away. NIMH's warning signs of suicide include talking about wanting to die or being a burden to others; feeling empty, hopeless, trapped, or having no reason to live; withdrawing from friends, saying goodbye, or giving away important items; and using drugs or alcohol more often. NIMH advises getting help as soon as possible, especially if the behavior is new or has increased recently.
- Ask and be there. Ask directly, then listen without judgment.
- Help keep them safe. NIMH notes that "Reducing access to highly lethal items or places can help prevent suicide."
- Help them connect. Call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, together.
- If anyone is in immediate danger, call 911.
- Follow up. Stay in touch in the days after a crisis; NIMH says it "can make a difference."
Foundations offers scheduled outpatient talk therapy, not crisis services. Once your child is safe, counseling can help with what is underneath.
Does my child need medication?
That is a question for a physician. NIMH notes that "Depression treatment typically involves psychotherapy (in person or virtual), medication, or both." Foundations counselors do not prescribe or advise on medication, so if your child wants to explore it, encourage them to talk to a physician. With your child's permission, their counselor can coordinate with that doctor.
How do I take care of myself through this?
Watching an adult child struggle is exhausting, and worry can turn into hovering or arguing. The 988 Lifeline reminds supporters, "It's important to take care of yourself when you are supporting someone through a difficult time." Keep your own sleep, friendships, and routines going where you can.
If you feel stuck, parenting counseling is one on one support for you, the parent. If your child is open to it, family counseling can help the whole household work on how you get along.
How can Foundations help a young adult with depression?
Young adults 18 and older can book their own free consultation at Foundations. Our depression counseling uses approaches such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and our child and teen counseling page explains how confidentiality works once a child is an adult. Many Foundations counselors list depression as a specialty and work with young adults. When your child reaches out, we match them with a counselor who fits, and their first meeting with that counselor is a free consultation. Most new clients are seen within 48 hours, in person in Fort Collins, Loveland, and Windsor, or online anywhere in Colorado.
And if the first counselor is not the right fit, our Counselor Match Guarantee means we will find another counselor who is.
Frequently asked questions
How do I know if my college age child is depressed or just adjusting?
Adjustment usually eases as a new routine forms. Depression lingers: NIMH says a diagnosis means symptoms most of the day, nearly every day, for at least 2 weeks. Watch for lost interest, sleep changes, withdrawal, hopelessness, and talk of death. Only a licensed professional can diagnose depression, but you can start a caring conversation now.
Can I make my adult child go to therapy?
Usually not. At 18 and older your child makes their own care decisions, and pressure often backfires. Share what you have noticed, offer to help find a counselor, and handle practical barriers like rides or scheduling. If you believe they are in danger, call or text 988, or call 911.
Will my adult child's counselor tell me what they say?
Generally no. What an adult client shares is confidential unless they choose to include you, for example by inviting you to a session or giving written permission. Safety is the exception: when there is a serious and imminent threat, providers may share information with a parent who is in a position to help.
Should I ask my child if they are thinking about suicide?
Yes, if you are worried. Ask plainly: are you thinking about suicide? NIMH notes that studies show asking does not increase suicidal behavior or thoughts. Listen without judgment, help keep them safe, and call or text 988 together. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 911.
Does my child need medication for depression?
That is a question for a physician. NIMH notes that depression treatment typically involves psychotherapy, medication, or both. Foundations counselors provide talk therapy and do not prescribe or advise on medication. With your child's permission, their counselor can coordinate with their doctor.
Can my college age child see a counselor at Foundations?
Yes. Young adults 18 and older can book their own free consultation. Foundations matches them with a counselor who fits, and that first meeting is free. Sessions are in person in Fort Collins, Loveland, and Windsor, or online anywhere in Colorado, and most new clients are seen within 48 hours.
Clinically reviewed by Chris Berger, M.A., LPC, NCC. Updated October 2026.
More for parents: browse our Parenting, Kids and Family guides.
Ready to take the next step?
Your child can book a free consultation, or you can reach out for support of your own. We will match you with a counselor who fits, and your first meeting is a free consultation. Schedule your free consultation or call 970.227.2770.
If your child is thinking about suicide, call or text 988. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 911.
